


Once

by Gemmiel



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Homophobia, M/M, and it's pretty minor, but the angst will be resolved, college fic, makoharu is background in this one, reigisa - Freeform, separation fic, tokyo fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-08
Updated: 2016-04-15
Packaged: 2018-06-01 01:44:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6495883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gemmiel/pseuds/Gemmiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once there were two boys in love. But time has moved on, leaving Rei alone. He can't possibly be lucky enough to get a second chance. Can he?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> No, I haven't forgotten "Teach." This is just a small fluffy thing, no more than three chapters-- something to work on when my brain gets tired of the smut. This is a Reigisa story; the Makoharu is background in this one.

_Once there was a boy with hair like summer sunshine and sakura-petal eyes._

_Once there was a boy whose smile lit up the world like dawn, a boy whose laughter rang like windchimes in the spring breeze. A boy who was all that was bright and beautiful and good in the world._

_A boy who meant everything._

_And when that boy left, the world went dark and cold and somber, and there was no more sunshine._

 _There was only loneliness._

*****

"I am very pleased to see you again, Haruka-senpai."

Ryuugazaki Rei utters the words with the careful, formal precision that has always marked his speech, but the truth is that he's more than pleased. The only thing preventing him from flinging himself at Nanase Haruka and throwing his arms around his neck is the sure knowledge that Haruka hates being touched by anyone other than Tachibana Makoto.

But there's no denying is that Rei is far beyond merely pleased to see his old friend. He's thrilled to pieces, and only his ingrained sense of courtesy and restraint holds him back from displaying his affection and joy in a way that would surely irritate and embarrass Haruka.

"It's good to see you too, Rei." Haruka glides into the small apartment, moving noiselessly, gracefully, like a panther, and glances around at the stacked boxes. "Do you need help unpacking?"

Rei shoves his red-framed glasses up on his nose. "I can manage, thanks. Would you care for a cup of tea, Haruka-senpai?"

"Rei." Haruka turns to face him, and Rei gets his first good look at him. Haruka looks much as he did in high school, but the lines of his face have matured a little in the ensuing year. The almost feminine prettiness that once characterized his features has given way to something more angular, more aggressively masculine. His body has changed too-- he looks broader and more solid. Powerful. He still has insanely beautiful cobalt eyes, though, and those eyes pin Rei like...

Well, like a butterfly.

"Yes, Senpai?"

"Drop the -senpai, okay?" Haruka says. "We're both in college now, after all. Just call me Haru."

"Thank you," Rei says humbly, and means it. The idea that he might rightfully consider himself a peer of Nanase Haruka, of all people, is mind-boggling in the extreme. He has looked up to Haru for a long time, since the first time he saw him swim, really. He admires Haruka more than anyone. "But I wouldn't be here if not for you... Haru."

"You belong here," Haru says, sounding like he really means it. "You've come a long way in just a few years. Most of the guys on the swim team here have been swimming since they were little. You've only been swimming for three years, and yet you took first place at the Nationals last year. That's amazing, Rei."

Rei blushes slightly. He still can't believe he's attending the same college, swimming on the same team, as the best swimmer it's ever been his privilege to know. On some level, he knows that he's earned it, that he has the right to be here. Winning the two-hundred-meter butterfly event in the Nationals last year is one of his favorite memories, one of the most amazing things that ever happened to him. So amazing, in fact, that he still can't quite believe it actually did happen. It's almost like a dream.

If only he could have shared that dream with...

Some hint of his wistful thoughts must show on his face, because Haruka-senpai--no, _Haru_ \-- looks at him with a surprising sympathy. "Have you heard from Nagisa lately, Rei?"

"No," Rei says softly. "Not since he left. Almost eight months ago now."

He'd trained brutally hard for the Nationals, both for his team and for himself. But if he's going to be honest, he was also hoping that if he made it, he might catch a glimpse of Nagisa. But Nagisa hadn't been there. Maybe he'd given up swimming, or maybe he just hadn't been good enough to make it to Nationals.

The thought breaks Rei's heart. Nagisa has been swimming since he was a little boy, after all. If anyone deserved to make it to Nationals in their third year, it was him.

Rei had swum his hardest that day, imagining Nagisa in the stands, cheering him on. It was, he knows, a foolish dream.

But where Nagisa is concerned, dreams are all he has. And foolish dreams are better than no dreams at all.

"I'm sorry," Haru says, more gently than is his wont. "I know you must miss him."

"Well." Rei clears his throat, which is strangely clogged. Haru is right, of course. He misses Nagisa with every breath he takes. He misses him so terribly it hurts. "His parents thought I was a bad influence, after all. It's hardly surprising they wouldn't let him contact me once they decided to leave Iwatobi."

The bitterness of the memory still makes him feel sick to his stomach when he lets himself think about it. He still remembers the night everything went to hell, remembers the shock and horror on Hazuki-san's face, as if she'd caught the two of them doing something unspeakably perverse, rather than simply kissing good night. He supposes that to someone like that, two boys kissing _is_ perverse.

The thought does nothing to ease the anger still burning in his chest. Because the emotions he and Nagisa shared together were the furthest thing from perverse, no matter what Nagisa's stupid old-fashioned parents might have thought. Nagisa had meant everything to him. And now--

Haru looks at his face and seems to think he should offer comfort. "I'm sure he wanted to call you, Rei."

"Yes, I'm sure," Rei agrees automatically, though he isn't nearly as sanguine about that as Haru is. It seems to him that if Nagisa had really wanted to contact him, he would have found a way, regardless of threats, or the confiscation of his laptop and phone, or anything else his parents might have dished out. Hazuki Nagisa has never been the sort of person to take no for an answer.

Something deep inside him worries that maybe Nagisa didn't fall out of touch simply because his parents moved away and told him that he had to break off his relationship with Rei. Maybe Nagisa discovered he didn't like him that much after all. Maybe Nagisa had forgotten him quickly. Perhaps he found another boy, a boy he liked better...

He recognizes that this is a fruitless path for him to tread (though God knows he's walked it often enough in his mind) and pushes it firmly away. "Let me get you that tea," he says.

A few moments later, they're seated on boxes, sipping sencha out of dainty china cups painted with yellow and blue butterflies. Haru studies him over the rim of his cup, his blue eyes thoughtful. "I was wondering," he finally says, "if maybe you'd like to get together with me and Makoto tonight. He really wants to see you, you know."

Rei knows that Makoto attends a different college in Tokyo, one with an emphasis on elementary education. Unlike Haru and Rei, Makoto gave up competitive swimming when he graduated from high school, and his career plan is to teach small children to swim-- an admirable goal, in Rei's view, since he wishes someone had taught him the joys of swimming much earlier.

He does indeed want to see Makoto again, and the thought of hanging out with his friends, just like old times, makes his heart leap joyfully in his chest. But he also knows that Haru and Makoto are an item, and have been for quite some time, so he hesitates. "I don't want to be a third wheel," he says. 

"You won't be. We both want to spend time with you, Rei. It's been too long."

Rei can't help himself. He smiles broadly.

"In that case," he says, "I accept."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for the kind words and kudos on Chapter 1, guys!

_Once there was a boy with twilight hair and eyes like a dusky winter sunset._

_Once there was a boy of contrasts-- as solid and unmoving as a boulder, as fluid and graceful as flowing water. As prosaic as a chunk of granite, as brilliant as a butterfly's jeweled wings. A boy who was somehow stability and flight, safety and heart-pounding risk, all at once._

_A boy who meant everything._

_And when that boy was left behind, the universe no longer felt safe, and the ground no longer felt solid._

_And the world was no longer... beautiful._

*****

"Mako-chan! I've missed you so, so much!"

Hazuki Nagisa hurls himself at his old friend, with so much puppylike enthusiasm that he staggers Makoto, sending him stumbling backward. He hears the older man laughing, and it makes him smile, with a sincerity he hasn't felt for far too long. He's missed his friend terribly.

" _Nagisa._ " Makoto's arms wrap around his shoulders in a bear hug. "It's awfully good to see you."

Nagisa leans into him, lets himself soak up the warmth and affection he can feel emanating from his friend. He's by nature gregarious, social, and he's been tremendously lonely these past months. His parents aren't the touchy-feely type (God only knows where he got that trait from, but it sure as hell wasn't them), and he didn't bother to make any friends when he moved away from Iwatobi. He simply didn't want to. He's been keeping his head down, keeping his nose to the grindstone, knowing that the sooner he gets out from under his parents' thumb, the sooner he can have a life again.

As a result of his isolation these past months, he's seriously hug-deprived, and that is not a comfortable state for him. Makoto's warm and generous affection goes a long way towards filling the cold, empty spaces in his heart.

Makoto lets him go eventually, grinning his broad, happy smile. "Oh, my gosh, Nagisa," he says, wide-eyed, looking the younger man over. "You're so--"

"I know, right? But you haven't changed at all, Mako-chan." And he hasn't. Makoto is still the same big, powerfully muscled teddy bear he always was. Nagisa wonders if Haru has changed at all, and that reminds him... "So," he says, grinning. "You and Haru-chan, huh?"

Instantly Makoto turns crimson. "Uh," he says. "I mean, we, uh..."

"Stop blushing, Mako-chan!" Nagisa whacks him on the shoulder with gentle affection. "It was obvious even back in high school that the two of you would get together eventually, just as soon as one or the other of you got up the nerve. Was it you who made the first move, or him?"

"Um... it was both of us, I guess." Makoto is blushing more fiercely than ever. "We were swimming together, late at night, and the pool was deserted, so..."

Nagisa chortles. "Mako-chan! You bad boy!"

He's pretty sure Makoto is about to either catch on fire from the heat of his cheeks, or melt into a puddle of embarrassed goop. But Makoto seems to get a grip on himself. He flashes a sheepish grin. "People do crazy things when they're in love, Nagisa."

Nagisa sighs, and all the humor leaves him, so abruptly he wonders that it doesn't cause a sonic boom. "I wouldn't know," he says glumly.

Makoto looks at him more seriously, his forehead wrinkling. "Have you texted him?"

Nagisa knows perfectly well who Makoto is talking about, and doesn't bother to pretend otherwise. He sighs. "No. I didn't-- I didn't know what to say to him." 

"You should text him, Nagisa. I'm sure he misses you like crazy."

"You don't know that." Nagisa looks around at his empty apartment. He hardly has any boxes waiting to be unpacked, because there wasn't much of anything he wanted to bring from his parents' house. All his once-cherished belongings felt like symbols of his imprisonment to him. "So much time has passed. I don't even know if he'd want to hear from me. I don't even know where he _is._ I'm sure he's gotten into a great college, because he was always so smart, but..."

"He's probably at a college with a solid swim team," Makoto says, his gaze flicking away, as if he's interested in the few boxes scattered on the floor.

"Yeah. I saw he won a gold at Nationals." Nagisa can still remember the burst of pride he felt when he found that little nugget of information on the internet. For Rei to have come so far so fast-- it's _amazing._ And he knows that Rei would never have gotten into swimming in the first place if he himself hadn't pushed (or, to be more honest about it, harassed) him into joining their little swim team. So even if he never sees Rei again, he's impacted his life in a meaningful way, and that makes warmth swell in his chest. It's like they're still connected a little.

"Speaking of swimming, how come you gave it up?" Makoto is frowning a little. "Did your parents..."

"That wasn't my parents' fault," Nagisa says. _It's the one thing that wasn't._ "I just... after I left Iwatobi, I just didn't want to swim any more. Didn't have the heart for it, I guess."

"It _was_ your parents' fault, Nagisa. Even if they didn't make you drop swimming, they took everything away from you. I don't blame you for quitting. I probably would've, too."

"My parents were leaving Iwatobi anyway, you know. It's not like they decided to up and leave just because they saw me and Rei together."

"But they moved earlier than they planned, and made sure the two of you didn't stay in touch, right? I mean, if someone did that to me and Haru, tore us apart on purpose, I'd-- I'd--" Makoto looks pained, like losing Haru is the worst fate he can imagine. "I guess I'd lose interest in everything, too."

Nagisa gulps. "Yeah. I mean, my parents-- when we moved, they made me promise I wouldn't contact him. And I let them push me into agreeing." He swallows against the knot of tension in his throat. "Mako-chan, why did I let them do that?"

"Because if you hadn't agreed, they would have kicked you out, Nagisa."

Makoto had heard much of the story from him at the time, of course, in frantic, barely coherent text messages and half-sobbed voicemails, but he didn't know all of it. Nagisa's parents had caught him kissing Rei goodnight, and they'd reacted all too predictably, deciding to move much more quickly than planned, and threatening Nagisa with pretty much everything under the sun if he didn't break things off with Rei immediately. There had been threats issued regarding Rei as well, threats to have him expelled from school, to have him kicked off the swim team, to tell his parents, to shame his family, if Nagisa didn't cooperate. That was what had finally coerced him into cooperating, the fear that his parents might actually try to ruin Rei's life. He'd been so scared that he'd never breathed a word of it to Rei or any of his friends.

Nagisa knows he's not the first teenager to face this kind of situation, not by a long shot, but that doesn't make him feel any less guilty about it. "I shouldn't have done it, Mako-chan." His voice rises, cracks. "I left Rei behind-- I didn't even try to talk to him-- he probably thinks I hate him--"

"Hey." Makoto's hand falls onto his shoulder, solid and reassuring. "Rei wouldn't have wanted your parents to kick you out, Nagisa. You know that. He would've understood."

"I didn't give him the chance!" The words are almost a howl of pain and frustration. "I didn't even dare tell him! I was so scared, Mako-chan-- I didn't want to lose him, but I didn't want to lose my parents either--"

"Your parents suck for putting you in that position," Makoto says, his voice as cold as Nagisa's ever heard it. "But they're still your parents. I understand how you felt. I bet Rei would too, if only you'd text him and tell him about it."

Nagisa throws up his hands, stalks across the empty floor. "It's been eight months. Eight months! He's probably forgotten me by now. Probably has someone else. Why would he care about me now?"

"I don't think Rei is the type to forget that easily." Makoto studies him, his green eyes thoughtful. "But I guess you're still afraid of how your parents might react..."

Nagisa halts his pacing, squares his shoulders, lifts his chin in the air. "I had it out with my parents just before I left," he says. His voice is steady again, cold and hard as a frozen river in the depths of winter, and for that he's grateful. "I told them I'd done what they wanted, that I'd kept my word, but that I'd damn well see whoever I wanted in college. I worked my butt off my last year of high school, Mako-chan, and I have a full scholarship. My parents can't control me any more. I won't let them."

"Wow." Makoto is staring at him, like he's shocked by the ice in his tone. "You really have grown up, Nagisa." 

Nagisa heaves another sigh. "I didn't want to grow up. Not without him. But I had to."

"But..." Makoto frowns. "You were so scared of losing them. Your parents, I mean."

"I still am, yeah." Nagisa's shoulders slump again. He's thought about this a lot over the past months, thought a lot more seriously than he's ever been prone to thinking about anything. He's had plenty of time to think, after all. "I still love them, despite everything, and I don't want to lose them. But I'd rather lose them than lose myself, you know?"

"Yeah. I get it." Makoto gazes at him with almost paternal pride. "I'm glad you're here, Nagisa. It'll be great seeing you around campus. But last I heard, you were planning on being an astronaut. What made you decide you want to be a teacher?"

Nagisa shrugs a shoulder. "You know what my parents are like," he says. "Remember when they told me I'd have to drop swimming because my grades had dropped?"

"Yeah, but your parents are--" Makoto swallows whatever he was about to say, which from the dark glint in his eye Nagisa guesses was going to include the words _controlling assholes._ "I mean, I remember. They pushed you so hard you ran away for a little while."

"Yeah. And I know my parents are world-class jerks, Mako-chan, but honestly, it's not just me. An awful lot of kids are under way too much pressure at school, you know? I know what it's like, and I... I just figure there has to be a way to teach kids without pushing them quite so hard. I want to be that kind of a teacher."

Makoto's eyes go soft. "I think you'll make a great teacher, Nagisa."

Nagisa smiles back at him. "I know you're gonna make a great coach... Makoto."

At the sincerity in his voice, Makoto blushes, clearly embarrassed, and makes an obvious and awkward effort to change the topic. "Um. Yeah. Listen, we haven't really talked in forever, and I bet Haru would like to see you. In fact, I know he would. Want to come out with us tonight?"

A strange sensation kindles in Nagisa's chest. It takes him a moment to realize it's happiness. It's been too long since he's felt any. But it's nice, very nice. "I would love to see Haru-chan," he says. "But since you two are dating now, maybe you'd rather I didn't...?"

"Don't be silly. We'd both love to hang out with you, Nagisa."

Nagisa grins.

"Awesome," he says. "I can't wait."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought three chapters would do it, but I wound up stretching it out to four. Sorry! 
> 
> I apologize in advance for the unforgivably sappy cheesiness of this chapter.

_Once there were two boys, one sunlight, the other starlight._

_Once there were two boys who loved with all the innocent fervor of youth, who kissed like the touch of their mouths was all that mattered in the world, who caressed each other with trembling adoration._

_Two boys who meant everything to each other, who couldn't stop loving each other simply because life broke them apart._

_Two boys who wanted nothing more than to find one another again._

*****

This club, Rei reflects, doesn't seem like Haru's sort of place.

The Haruka-senpai he remembers preferred peace and quiet and solitude. He loathed strangers, and some days he barely tolerated the presence of his friends. He was always willing to spend time with Makoto, but as for the rest of the world, his patience for socializing was severely limited.

Rei and Haru are seated on stools at a tall table near the back of the club, in what might otherwise pass for a quiet corner, but there isn't really any quiet to be had. The club is crammed full of young people, dancing together-- grinding, really-- and there's a loud rock band playing up front, making it extremely hard to hear conversation. It's crowded and raucous, but to Rei's surprise, Haru looks comfortable enough. He even looks... happy. He's not smiling, precisely, but there is an expectant look in his eyes, a bright, hopeful expression that's at odds with the blank look he used to wear most of the time.

Rei sees him glance at the crowd around the door, and he thinks he understands it. Haru is waiting for Makoto.

He himself is looking forward to seeing Makoto-senpai almost as much as Haru is. He wonders if Makoto has changed the way Haru has, if his features have sharpened into harder, more adult lines, or if he still wears the same easy, open expression he always did, still flashes the same amiable smile at friends and strangers alike. Just the thought of seeing his old friend makes Rei want to smile too. The truth is, he hopes Makoto hasn't changed at all. 

Haru looks down at the cell phone in his hands-- and that's another change; the Haruka-senpai Rei remembers never, ever bothered to carry his cell phone on his person. It must have just vibrated, though Rei didn't hear it over the blaring electric guitars and pounding drums. A second later Haru looks up at him, and a little frown appears between his dark brows. He leans toward Rei so as to make himself understood, and speaks loudly.

"Rei," he says, and the hopeful expectancy in his eyes is still there, but it's shadowed with something else, something that looks like concern. Worry. Haru is nervous, and that's so out of character that Rei blinks at him in surprise. "I need to tell you something."

"Of course," Rei says, wondering. "Go ahead."

"I told you I was bringing you here to see Makoto. And he's coming. He says he's right around the corner now. But the truth is that the two of us, uh..." The nervous stammering is so different from Haru's typical bluntness that Rei almost falls off his stool. "We brought a date for you too."

"A date," Rei says, his voice a dull echo of Haru's.

"Yeah. We... well, we thought--" He trails off, staring at the door.

Rei sees the blue eyes brighten, and follows his gaze. Through the crowd-- well, over the crowd-- he can see Makoto-senpai, the shaggy brown hair and broad shoulders instantly recognizable despite the dim lighting and the distance to the door. Makoto looks the same as ever. But next to him is a young man who's even taller than Makoto, and maybe even a little broader. Not that he's fat, not in the least. He's built like an athlete, long-legged and powerful, heavy shoulders tapering to a narrow waist, and Rei instantly knows why Haru and Makoto thought he might appeal to Rei. His thick blond hair waves around his face in a manner that's heartwrenchingly similar to Nagisa's.

A feeling almost of betrayal rises in Rei's chest. He turns away from the blond, glaring at Haru. All at once he remembers his own voice: _I don't want to be a third wheel._

And Haru's response: _You won't be._

The betrayal inside him is swiftly rising toward anger, and he hears it reverberate in his own voice. "A blind date, Haruka-senpai? _Really?"_

Haru blinks at him in what appears to be confusion, apparently taken aback by the angry tone and the deliberate use of the formal address, but then something like amusement flickers into his eyes. "We just thought you might want to--" he begins, but Rei isn't finished.

"You thought you could mend my broken heart, help me get over Nagisa," he says, his voice dripping with icicles, "so you decided you'd set me up with someone else. _Without asking._ Friend of yours, is he?"

"Yes," Haru says. He has the amusement under wraps now, and his voice is completely expressionless. "A very good friend, and a really nice guy."

Rei struggles to get his anger under control. He knows that Haru and Makoto-- probably mostly Makoto, since Haru has never been the type to stick his nose into other people's lives-- are just trying to be kind, no matter how ham-handedly clumsy they may be about it. He tries very hard to speak diplomatically. "I'm sure he's a very nice fellow, Haru. But I'm just not-- I'm not over Nagisa yet. I'm not sure I ever will be."

"I understand, Rei. But--"

"No," Rei says, more firmly. "I appreciate the thought, but I have absolutely no interest in dating right now." _Particularly not a blond who resembles Nagisa so painfully,_ he adds internally, but decides against saying that out loud.

"Just talk to him," Haru says gently. "You might find that the two of you have a lot to talk about."

Frustrated by Haru's stubborn refusal to listen to him, Rei scowls, looking back toward the door. Makoto and the blond are making their way through the crowd, two massive battleships sailing majestically through a sea choked with lesser vessels. The blond is chattering enthusiastically to Makoto, gesturing in a way that makes Rei's throat tighten. Those gestures are so agonizingly familiar. If he ignores the height and the sheer physical power of this guy, he really is a lot like--

Closer now, the blond happens to look toward them, and at the sudden startling flash of sakura-pink eyes, Rei's heart stutters to a halt in his chest. His mouth falls open.

The blond looks as stunned as he does. He stares for a moment longer, then yelps so loudly Rei can hear him clearly despite the noise. " _Rei-chan!_ "

Rei is off his stool in an instant, racing through the crowd. He doesn't care if he runs into anyone. He doesn't even care if he knocks someone down. All he wants is to get to the blond, as fast as possible.

The blond is running toward him, too, but he's a little faster about it, since he's an enormous wall of muscle and most people sensibly duck out of his way. And then they're flinging their arms around each other, and Rei hears himself sobbing out a name.

"Nagisa!"

Nagisa hugs him so hard that he actually picks him up off the ground. Rei laughs and cries and hangs on to the ridiculously broad shoulders for dear life.

"What on earth happened to you? You're huge!"

"I grew up," Nagisa answers, and his voice (lower than Rei remembers it, but still achingly familiar) is choked with too many emotions to name, too. "Rei-chan-- oh, Rei, I missed you so much--"

Rei could say the same, but he doesn't think words are called for in this particular situation. He's vaguely aware of the crowd eddying around them, of Makoto approaching from one direction and Haru from the other. But he doesn't care, doesn't give a damn who sees him reach up ( _up!_ ) to kiss Nagisa full on the mouth. He tastes salt, and doesn't know whether the tears are his or Nagisa's. Maybe both. 

But Nagisa is kissing him back, and that's all that matters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Grownup!Nagisa is one of my favorite headcanons (and I really wish I had the artistic ability to draw him the way I envision him!). I've known boys who grew quite a lot, and quite rapidly, in later high school, and sometimes even in college, so I don't think it's beyond the realm of possibility. My apologies if it doesn't happen to be a headcanon you care for. I wasn't sure how to tag it without spoiling it!


End file.
